Week 4 Story: Pinky and the Snake
Before he left on his adventures, they always reminded him,
"Now son, don't wander too far or the Snake will get to you quicker than we can."
One evening, the Pinky decided to sneak out of his home. He zipped through the tall grass, climbed over rocks, squeezed under logs when suddenly he began to hear the babbling brook. He followed the sound, and as he got closer the sounds grew louder until finally, he stumbled upon the rushing water. As the Pinky walked along the brook, he ran into the Grasshopper, who was playing his jazzy tune.
The Pinky asked,
"Excuse me, but why do you make so much noise this late at night?"
And the Grasshopper replied,
"So that those who wonder have something to listen for."
Confused, the Pinky closed his eyes, focused on the Grasshopper's song, and took in a deep breath. The fresh smell of the brook was so enchanting that he took a step closer...
then he took another...
and another...
KERPLUNK!!!
The Pinky tried to scream, but his lungs filled with water. He kicked and pulled, but the current was too strong. Finally, his exhaustion overwhelmed him and his body went limp...
Before the night turned into dawn, when all the creatures and critter were still fast asleep, the Pinky's lifeless body washed up onto the shore. It so happened that the Snake's home was right around the corner.
The Snake fluttered it's tongue and thought to herself,
"Mmmm, sssssss-something tassssty hasss come my way."
The curious and hungry Snake slid out of her home and around the corner. She came upon the Pinky and noticed that he was still alive. She immediately wrapped him up with her body and dragged him into her home.
As day broke, the Pinky began to awaken. Brushing the sleepy-seeds out of his eyes, he realizes that he is staring into the eyes of the Snake! He squills and squirms, but the Snake has a firm grip on him.
"Husssshhh, little Pinky. You're all right, I'm not going to harm you,"
said the Snake.
The Pinky, still startled, replies,
"Where's my mom? Let me go, I want to go home!"
"Of course my dear, but I'll need you to lead the way,"
assured the Snake, as she wiped away his tears.
The Pinky agreed and hopped onto the Snake's head, using his tail to point in the right direction. They traveled all morning, through the afternoon, and well into the evening. Worried, the Pinky began to cry again.
"Now, I am sure there is something you must remember that will lead you home,"
said the Sneak.
The Pinky, worn out from a long day without food, closed his eyes. He began to concentrate and then he heard the Grasshopper's familiar tune.
"That way!" He shouted, and the Snake carried on.
Finally, they arrived at the brook with the jazzy Grasshopper. The Snake crossed the water, slid under logs, slithered over rocks, and dashed through the tall grass. The Pinky jumped off the Snake and bolted towards his home, but as he approached it he turned around. Realizing he forgot to give his thanks, he sprinted back towards the Snake and wrapped his arms and legs around her snout, as best as he could...
SSSSSMMMOOOCH!
Saddened, not wanting to say goodbye, the Pinky asked,
"Can I come to visit you?"
The Snake replied,
"You better not...
...but every new moon, we shall meet where we can listen to the Grasshopper's tune."
The Pinky smiled and the Snake slithered away into the darkness.
Don't let other's judgments ruin the chance at friendship.
Assuming makes an ASS out of U and ME.
Author's Notes: The original story, The Wolf and the Kid, is from The Aesop for Children (Winter). I chose to re-tell an Aesop because they all have a lesson/moral of the story. I decided to change practically every aspect of this story, while also keeping some of the same plot lines. The original story is about a Kid (baby goat) that doesn't come home when his mom calls him. After some time, the Kid begins to return home, but he runs into the Wolf. The Kid tricks the Wolf and asks him to play a tune, which summons the shepherd dogs and the Kid is saved. I chose the main character as a mouse because a baby mouse is called a pinky, which I thought was cute, and a snake because typically, they eat mice. I decided to add the plot twist because I wanted to build up suspense, yet give an ending that wasn't too predictable. Also, the plot twist helped me figure out the moral of the story. I know that the layout is a bit unorthodox, but I was trying something new, so please give me your feedback! I hope it's not difficult to read.
(Mouse on a rock. Source: Pixabay)
(Snake with its tongue out. Source: Pxhere)
Hi Madi! I absolutely loved your story! A lot of the traditional animal stories involve them eating each other and learning life lessons about not trusting anyone. I love how this one actually has a happy ending and ends in a cute unexpected friendship. I like how the snake is female too, because they're usually personified as evil men. I also like how they stay friends after, and plan on hanging out again.
ReplyDeleteHey Madi! You did great with this story! I loved reading it! The way you played with spacing and formatting worked very well; I especially liked the times you used the onomatopoeias. It added a lot of character to the story. I do think maybe you should just call the baby mouse “Pinky,” like as a name, instead of “the Pinky.” I think that would still communicate the connection with a baby mouse. It’s a little confusing and awkward to see “the Pinky” every time. I also think you should make your author’s note in a full font size so it’s easier to read. I think it’s fine if you leave the photo attributions small, though. That’s what I do on my blog.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work!
Hi Madi! The ending of this story really stood out to me. I loved that the message was not the make assumptions because it comes so naturally, even in this story I was cringing as I read it because I was waiting for the snake to turn on Pinky and eat him. I actually really liked the format because it was easy to tell who was speaking and to find the dialogue instead of having to go back and reread a whole paragraph just to figure out who said what. I was wondering, why didn’t the snake eat Pinky? When the Snake found Pinky she said that something tasty had come her way, so what stopped her from devouring him? Was the Snake on a no mouse diet, did the Snake feel sorry for Pinky, or was she simply a nice snake? I think that if you added the snake’s motivations to help Pinky it might add to the depth of this story.
ReplyDeleteHey Madi,
ReplyDeleteAt first I wasn't sure where this story was going but then I started to realize it was going to be an animal story with a message. But I was pleasantly surprised by the ending! It was nice to read a "lesson story" about giving others a chance instead of following what a stereotypical first thought might lead you to. I also enjoyed the way you changed the structure of the paragraphs to fit in the onomatopoeia. It made the story very fun to read and follow along. I would've been interested to see the parents' reaction to the snake bringing Pinky home. I wonder if they would've had a change of heart or just reacted with the same mindset they previously had? All in all, great story!
Hey Madi, great story! I think the format was fine. The way you broke up the description with dialogue, and kept the speaking in the center actually helped make it easier to read. I like the moral of your story and I think the plot really develops it well. Overall great job. I kept waiting at the end for the snake to turn, but I like the fact that you let the snake play the hero in this one.
ReplyDeleteHi Madi, I was a little confused where your story was going at first but towards the end I really liked it! It reminds me of finding nemo when they run into the sharks. Your story has a great lesson to it. I really thought the snake was going to eat Pinky, but I am glad he didn't!
ReplyDeleteHi Madi! At the beginning of the story I was unsure where the story was going to go but in the end i was surprised and happy with how the story turned out! you did a great job with using dialogue and imagery to help provide a good setting. Your story has an overall theme that i really enjoyed and since I am a big hater of snakes I was happy to read that he did not eat Pinky!
ReplyDeleteHey Madi! What a cute story! I loved the main characters name! I thought this story was nicely written. It was easily to follow and followed a good story line. I thought the descriptive words you used to describe the different characters really added that extra touch that it needed. I was happy that the mouse didn't get eaten in the end. Nicely done!
ReplyDelete